


The Prince of Clowns Rewrite

by CrazyJanaCat



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blood and Gore, Dark Harry Potter, Insane Harry Potter, Insanity, Kidnapping, Multi, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-04-21 15:53:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22089838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyJanaCat/pseuds/CrazyJanaCat
Summary: Joker never understood why his brother took destiny and prophesy so serious (or anything for that matter. He really needed to smile more). The future wasn’t set in stone after all. Besides, wasn’t it much more fun to corrupt the child, shape him to their image of insanity and chaos, instead of killing him? He certainly thought so.Rewritten
Relationships: Joker (DCU)/Harleen Quinzel
Comments: 159
Kudos: 324
Collections: Best Harry Potter Crossovers





	1. 1985

**Author's Note:**

> New attempt in rewriting this bitch. I’ll be doing this on my own time.
> 
> Also, the first few chapters won’t be as different as the original, but the farther we go, the more will change. One thing you might notice early on is that I am using the HP timeline, while I originally went with the Young Justice one. I just think it would be more interesting and easier to remember that way.
> 
> Also, Please read the tags before you start reading this story. They will be updated with every chapter posted. Every chapter will also start out with a warning in the notes so you can skip any chapters that involve something you dislike or are uncomfortable with.

The world was always moving. People invented, improved and destroyed anything they could get their hands on. Computers were in uprising and not even a year ago, the CD-ROM was brought on the market. Humanity was at the height of technological advancement.

Well, most of humanity was. A small percentage was still forever stuck in the Dark Ages.

Joker rarely ventured back into the Wizarding World, but every now and then, he felt the need to reconnect with his past. This time, he noted, it had been extra-long. Since his arrival in Gotham, meeting the Batman, or reuniting with the Batman – not that that overgrown flying rodent still had the decency to remember their first meeting – he hadn’t even thought about the Wizarding World. Hell, it had been about 5 years since he’d last heard anything from his brother at this point, though it felt even longer.

He wasn’t exactly keen on returning anywhere near those silly, wand waving morons. The Muggle World was much more interesting to him, more variety, more creativity. The Muggle World was a blank canvas, waiting to be painted on by him. Still, sometimes, like now, the need to return was strong enough to move him into acting. Besides, it was time he got Harley acquainted with this side of the world.

He’d used a glamour to look like he had before the accident. Paper white skin turned regular pale, green hair turned dark brown, just his eyes were the same. He was wearing bright purple robes, while Harley wore red ones. The young blonde was staring at everything in awe as they strolled through the Blüdhaven Wizarding shopping district. The young female muggle was over the moon with this entirely new world opened up to her.

“What’s that over there, Mistah J?” Harley asked excitedly.

Joker had told her about magic two weeks ago, and this was the very first time he’d taken her with him into the Wizarding World. Not that he had gone without her since escaping Arkham with her help. Still, he guessed she deserved a little treat, and he himself could do with a bit of catching up. He wanted to know what he had missed since he left. Who knows, maybe something was going on he wanted to be a part of, unlikely, but hey! You never knew, right?

“Quodpot supply shop,” the disguised murder clown replied with a mad grin. “It’s an amazing game with an exploding ball. They play a more boring version in Europe, but with a bit of creativity, it can be just as dangerous!”

“Ooh! Sounds exciting!” Harley squealed happily, pressing her nose completely against the glass of the shop as she stared at the brooms.

Joker grinned and shook his head fondly. Harley had been with him now for almost six months, though honestly, to his experience it felt more like well over two years. It had been half a year since she busted him out of Arkham. He was honestly surprised to find he actually enjoyed her company most of the time. The affection was annoying, but useful.

“Wonderful day, isn’t it?” a British voice spoke up a bit further. “Almost All Hallows Eve. A day to celebrate.”

Joker raised a brow in curiosity. Last he’d heard, the Wizards in England had stopped celebrating the Old Festivals. He walked over to the where the Brit was talking with some shopkeeper. The man was wearing a simple black cloak and had greying hair, while the shopkeeper was a chubby man in his mid-thirties, with thin brown hair and a burgundy cloak with a nametag. Applebaum, it said, and Joker almost had a laughing fit at the name. His chuckle earned him a slight glare of the shopkeeper, but the man quickly turned back to his conversation.

“Celebrate what?” the shopkeeper asked curiously.

The Brit raised a brow at the question, looking as if the man was an idiot for not knowing, and that earned him the same type of glare Joker had received earlier. The man chuckled a bit and spread his arms wide.

“Why, the fourth year anniversary of You-Know-Who’s demise of course!”

At the exclamation, Joker tensed. Last he’d heard of his brother, people feared to speak his name. But he and Tommy had become immortal when they was only 16 years old. Maybe not physically, but he sure as hell couldn’t die anymore. It couldn’t be him they meant with that nickname, right? No way Tommy would’ve gotten himself killed.

“What if I Don’t-know-who?” Joker asked, grinning at the two of them before scowling and stopping. “Huh… Dejà Vu… Never mind, I do know who. Killed by some kid or something, right?”

“Yes indeed!” the Brit spoke, smiling brightly. “Destroyed by young Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived!”

Joker’s eyes darkened as he heard that, but he kept on smiling at the men, who were slowly getting uncomfortable by it. Not that surprising of course. There was nothing friendly in Joker’s grin.

“Harry Potter, huh?” he asked darkly, grin widening even more as he saw the Brit blanch. “Now what did that boy-who-lived do exactly to ‘kill’ the Dark Lord?”

“No one knows. The news is that You-Know-Who went to the Potters to kill them all on Halloween 4 years ago, and next we heard, the house basically exploded. When investigators got to the scene, James and Lilly Potter were dead, so was the Dark Lord, but little Harry was unharmed, just the scar, and considering they found all that remained of the Dark Lord in front of his crib, it’s widely believed the child is the reason of his demise.”

Even though the man was still very uncomfortable by Joker’s presence, he was eager to tell the tale. The man’s dark eyes were sparkling with pride and hope, and Joker wanted to crush it so very badly. He kept it in though. This conversation had brought more important matters to the front of his mind.

“How expected,” Joker murmured chuckling. “I wonder why I still ask… I guess because we have a script to follow. Fucking rewrites…”

His brother had told him about the Prophesy back when that spy of his first told him about it. He’d asked Joker to come back to Britain to help him find and destroy the boy, as the Prophesy had only spoken about defeating one Dark Lord. However, Joker had known that Tom hoped that this way, it would be Joker to die at the hands of the Prophesy Child and not himself. Joker had never been interested in becoming a Dark Lord though, and he had declined, saying that he might change his mind if Tom knew the whole Prophesy and not just half. Clearly, the older twin had been too impatient to find out the other half and had gone ahead and tried to kill the kid by himself. Really, it was his own damn fault he got himself blown up.

He turned around abruptly, stalking away from the two talking men, uncaring of the strange looks they kept on him as he walked over to where Harley was looking at some Wizarding pastries. He grabbed one of her ponytails and dragged her away, ignoring the shout of pain and surprise that came from the girl, or the shocked and scandalized stares he received from the people around them.

“What’s goin’ on mistah J?” the girl squeaked as she rushed to match Joker’s steps.

“We’re going to England. There’s a little boy that’s _dying_ to get to know us!” Joker replied darkly before spinning on his heels and apparating, Harley’s hair still in his grip.

. . . . .

“Boy!”

Harry flinched at the loud, booming voice of his uncle and quickly scurried back inside. He’d been tending the garden for the past three hours, and he wasn’t entirely done yet, but if his uncle called for him, he preferred to do what he said and anger his aunt than the other way around. Uncle Vernon could hit a lot harder. He stopped in his tracks in the living room, where he found a beautiful young woman with blond hair pulled back in a high bun and stylish glasses pushed up on her nose. She smiled brightly at him, and Harry couldn’t help but blush.

“Hello, Harry,” the woman greeted in a, to Harry, strange accent. “My name is Dr. Harleen Quinzel. I was asked to do a psychiatric evaluation.”

“A-a what?” Harry asked quietly, eyes wide as he stared at her.

“I’m just going to ask you some questions and I want you to answer truthfully.”

“Good luck with that,” Uncle Vernon snorted. “The boy lies about nearly everything.”

Harry scowled at him, but didn’t dare correct him. Harry rarely ever lied, but the Dursleys kept telling everyone he did. Most everyone in the neighborhood believed them of course, and because of that, no one wanted to be his friend.

“I’ll be the judge of that!” Dr. Quinzel muttered in a cheerful tone.

Vernon grumbled something before walking away, leaving Harry and Dr. Quinzel alone. The doctor grinned brightly at Harry again and pulled out a note pad and a pen.

“So… what do you know about your parents?” she asked.

“Uhm… not much,” Harry muttered quietly, frowning a bit confused. “They died in a car accident when I was small, and they were bad people. That’s what uncle Vernon and aunt Petunia say.”

Dr. Quinzel scowled and nodded, writing something down on her pad before looking back at Harry with a strange expression. Harry swallowed and looked away, fearful that he’d said something wrong. The woman hummed in thought, tapping her pen against the pad for a little while as she thought about another question to ask Harry.

“What about magic?” the woman suddenly asked, startling Harry into looking back up at her.

“Wh-what?”

“Do you believe in magic?”

Harry’s eyes grew wide in terror and tears started to leak out. Again, the doctor frowned.

“M-magic isn’t r-real!” Harry quickly told her, eyes flitting around the room nervously.

Dr. Quinzel leaned forward and put a comforting hand on Harry’s leg, scowl deepening as the young child flinched away from the touch as if expecting pain. Large green eyes, almost the same color as her Mr. J’s, stared at her fearfully, making her heart melt in an instant.

“Let’s focus on something else, alright?” she suggested softly. “How about your birthdate? Can you tell me?”

“July 31,” Harry mumbled quietly, calming down a bit.

Dr. Quinzel grinned widely and quickly jotted it down on the notepad. Harry scowled, confused at the strange questions, but he didn’t say a thing about it of course. He was just a little kid. Maybe this was normal and he was just a freak, like his relatives kept telling him.

“Have you ever done something you couldn’t explain?” Dr. Quinzel asked.

“… My teacher’s hair turned blue last week because I was angry at him,” the child muttered, eyeing the doctor warily.

“And how is that not magical?” she wondered grinning.

Again, Harry tensed. He trembled in fear at the question, looking away from the doctor and wrapping his arms around himself. He glanced towards the door, half expecting his uncle to burst through, screaming magic wasn’t real and hitting Harry, like he’d done many times before.

“It’s not. Magic isn’t real,” he said stubbornly. “If it was, magic would be evil and wrong and unnatural. I’m just a freak, just like my parents. They were bad people says uncle Vernon, and I’ll be a bad person too… do-do you think I’m bad?”

He glanced up at Dr. Quinzel, eyes big and watery as he waited for her reply, begging with his eyes for her to tell him otherwise. The woman smiled gently at him and leaned a bit closer again, putting her hand on the child’s leg in a comforting gesture, smile widening when Harry didn’t flinch away this time.

“There’s nothing wrong with being a little bad, hun,” she told him softly. “It makes you special and unique. If that means you’re a freak, then all the best people in the world are freaks.”


	2. Freak Like Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Child abuse, Graphic description of murder, Kidnapping

Harry was doing the dishes after dinner. The Dursleys all sitting in front of the TV, watching some game show where Vernon kept yelling the answers, huffing indignantly whenever he was wrong and muttering something about the incompetence of the show host. His stomach growled angrily, as Harry hadn’t finished his other tasks in time to get any food himself. He wanted to take the leftovers, but was too afraid of what his aunt might do to him if she noticed. She scared him a lot with her ability to see everything, even with her back turned.

Still, as his stomach growled again, Harry dared to steal some bread crusts off Dudley’s plate before dropping it in the soapy water. He put the food quickly in his mouth, glancing over to the living room to find his relatives all still transfixed on the TV. He swallowed the bread down quickly, smiling in relief of not being caught and he continued washing the plates.

He grabbed the pots and pans off the table, quickly putting the leftovers in plastic pots and put them in the fridge. Still hungry, he couldn’t help himself from stealing a chicken leg from one of the pots before putting them away.

He barely shut the fridge or a force collided with the back of his head. Harry stumbled forward, his hands slamming down on the counter top harshly in an attempt to keep himself upright. Quickly, the young boy turned his head to see who had hit him, eyes widening in fear as he saw his aunt’s rage twisted expression. The thin woman sneered down at him.

“What do you think you’re doing, you horrible boy?!” she screeched.

Harry winced at the volume and turned to face his angry aunt fully. He pressed his back against the counter, staring wide eyed as uncle Vernon walked in to see what the commotion was about.

“What did the boy do this time?” he asked, glaring at Harry, making the boy shrink into himself in fear.

“The ungrateful brat stole food again!” aunt Petunia exclaimed furious.

She slapped Harry in the face, making the boy whimper but not cry out. He’d gotten quite used to being hurt by now after all, a simple slap to the cheek was nothing, even though he was still only 5. He looked back up, just in time to see Vernon’s face turn purple with rage.

“You little freak! Don’t you think we give you enough?!” uncle Vernon bellowed.

“… Yes uncle Vernon,” Harry said quietly.

“Aren’t you grateful that we took you in, clothed you, fed you, housed you, and ask so little in return?!”

“Yes uncle Vernon,” Harry said again, looking down at the floor as tears beaded in the corners of his eyes.

“Then WHY do you steal from us!” the man roared at the top of his lungs.

“I’m sorry! I was just really hungry and I didn’t think you’d miss it!” Harry cried out.

Another smack against his cheek sent him crashing to the ground and he hit his head against the counter top on his way down. He shouted this time, feeling blood slowly trickle down from his forehead and he lifted a trembling hand to protect his head from any other blows.

Vernon growled in anger and grabbed Harry’s wrist, squeezing had enough to make the boy flinch in pain. After 4 years with the Dursleys Harry had learned what would end up bruising and what didn’t, and this definitely would. Maybe it would even swell up.

He was pulled to his feet roughly and dragged out of the kitchen and into the hallway. Harry didn’t struggle as uncle Vernon pulled open the door to his cupboard and shoved him inside. The door slammed closed behind Harry, leaving him completely in the dark. A soft click indicated that the small door was locked. He sighed sadly, rubbing his hurt cheek with his uninjured hand as he crawled onto his cot and closed his eyes. Maybe he could try and sleep a little bit.

Sometime later, though Harry had no way in telling just how much, he woke up from a very insistent knocking on the door. It confused him a little, as the Dursleys had a very nice looking doorbell that was definitely not broken, because only this morning had they been visited by some neighbours. They had locked Harry back into his cupboard for the entire duration of the visit of course.

He shook himself out of his musings as he heard uncle Vernon stumble loudly out of the living room and past his cupboard, grumbling something about uncivilized hooligans and how he wasn’t going to buy anything from whoever it was.

“Hello there my good man!” he heard a cheerful male voice say as soon as the door opened.

Harry sat up on his cot and shuffled a bit closer to the door, curious. The man at the door had a similar accent as the nice doctor that had visited him. Maybe he was here to tell the Dursleys he was disturbed, like uncle Vernon had told him he was, and that he had to be send to a loony bin.

“I’m not buying anything!” uncle Vernon barked.

“Good, good! Because I’m not selling anything!”

A small scuffle happened by the door, ending with Vernon squeaking indignantly. Harry pressed his ears against it to try and hear more of what was going on out there.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing!” Vernon bellowed. “Get out of my house you circus freaks-“

A loud ‘thunk’ went through the house, followed with the sound of something heavy falling on the floor.

“Thanks, Harley dear!” the unfamiliar male voice laughed.

The laugh was a bit high pitched and didn’t sound friendly at all. In fact, it made goosebumps raise all over Harry’s arms and neck. And he was overwhelmed with the urge to hide somewhere. Not that he really needed to. Who would think to look for a little boy in the cupboard after all.

“Anytime Mistah J!” a female spoke cheerfully.

The sound of that voice made Harry tense in shock. He recognized it as the strange doctor lady that had come to talk to him the day before. What was she doing here, and why had she knocked his uncle out cold? Because that was what he guessed had happened. The shuffling of feet indicated that Petunia and Dudley had come into the hallway as well.

“Vernon? What are you- Oh my God!” he heard aunt Petunia exclaim.

“That’s very nice of you, sweetheart, but you can just call me Joker,” the strange man cackled.

“What did you do to my husband?!” aunt Petunia screamed horrified.

“His blood pressure was getting a little high, so I had Harley give him something calming,” the strange man chuckled darkly.

Again, Harry could feel his hair stand up at the tone of the man’s voice. He tried to imagine a face with that voice, but he really couldn’t think of anything that would fit. He was pretty sure that whoever he was, he wasn’t someone to mess with. Harry could practically feel the power and danger oozing through the closed door.

There was something really dark about the man outside, and it attracted Harry as much as it made him scared. He wasn’t sure anymore if he wanted to burst out of the cupboard to meet this man, or hide and hope he would never be found by him.

“Alright! How about you tell me where to find the kid so we can move on to the main party?”

It stayed quiet for a long moment, the only thing that could be heard was the nervous shuffling coming from aunt Petunia and Dudley. Harry contemplated calling out to let them know he was there, because who else could they be looking for when they mentioned a kid, right? Turned out, he didn’t need to.

“In there?” the strange man asked, tutting in disappointment. “And people call me a bad guy. Get him out Harley.”

“Sure thing Mistah J!”

Harry quickly moved away from the door, cowering as the locks were undone and the door swung open. He had expected the lady to look like she had done a few days ago, but instead, she was barely even recognizable. She wore a black and red harlequin suit with hat and all, and her face was covered under a lair of clown make up and a domino mask.

“Hiya Kiddo! Wanna come out and play?” the woman giggled.

Harry shivered in fear, but still did as she said. He blinked a few times against the light in the hall. His aunt and cousin were standing near the kitchen entrance, while his uncle was a big lump next to the open front door. Between them, stood a tall, skinny man wearing a large purple coat and a purple fedora. Harry swallowed nervously. The vibes coming off that man were so powerful and intoxicating.

“Excuse me, sir, uh, who-who’re you?” he asked quietly.

“So polite!” the man exclaimed giggling. “No need to follow the script so strictly.”

He took a few steps closer to Harry and took of his hat, bowing gracefully. Harry’s eyes widened when he saw the man’s face. His skin was all white, and a large red smile was painted on his lips and cheeks. He had green eyes, just like Harry, and bright green hair. He looked a bit like a clown, but a scary one.

“I’m the Joker!” the man introduced himself cheerfully. “And that beautiful lady is Harley Quinn.”

“I’m Harry Potter. Nice to meet you,” Harry replied.

He felt completely at ease for some reason. All his nerves had disappeared the moment he looked in Joker’s eyes. He saw a strange glint in them, something wild and _freakish_ like his uncle would say, but maybe that was why he wasn’t afraid of Joker anymore, because he was a freak too.

“Now, Harry,” Joker started calmly, grinning at the boy. “Harley told me something very… **_disturbing_. **It appears your… loving family… has been lying to you for quite some time now.”

Harry scowled in confusion.

“What do you mean, Mr. Joker?” he asked quietly.

The man grinned even wider at his question, and Harry could see his aunt and cousin shiver in fear at the sight of it. He guessed it was scary, but somehow, he couldn’t feel it like they did. There was just something about Joker than felt familiar to him, _safe_.

“Well, about your parents for one,” Joker started, grin widening as aunt Petunia tensed.

“Shut up! I won’t have him hear any more of this nonsense!” she hissed, taking a step closer.

Joker’s eyes darkened and he took one large step towards the woman. He swiped, smacking her across the face hard enough to leave it red and have her lose her balance. Dudley whimpered in fear as Petunia shouted and fell to the floor. Harry too was startled. The trust that had started to grow at seeing Joker started falling away and new specs of doubt build in his chest.

“I’LL TELL HIM WHATEVER THE FUCK I LIKE!” the green haired man screamed, before falling into a fit of giggles.

Harry flinched at the volume and backed up a bit, only to bump into Harley. The dressed up lady giggled along with Joker and grabbed Harry’s shoulders, shoving him towards the green haired stranger.

“Why don’t you tell ‘im already, puddin’?” she asked.

“I’m getting there, Harl!” the man snarled, this time even making the weird woman flinch.

Then, suddenly, all anger was again gone from the man’s face, replaced by manic glee as he leaned into Harry’s space, bending down until their noses almost touched. Harry swallowed fearfully, but stayed stock still, scared of what the madman would do if he tried to back away.

“First of all, mommy and daddy didn’t die in a car. They were brutally murdered. And secondly,” here, Joker lowered his voice to a deep scratchy tone as if mocking someone. “_Yer a wizard, Harry_.”

Harry blinked in confusion.

“… What?” he asked.

“Magic! A wand-waving, spell-shouting wizard!” Joker exclaimed loudly. “I’m one too! Err… was – they snapped my wand because I was too… unstable…”

That couldn’t mean anything good of course, and with the way aunt Petunia paled, it really wasn’t.

“But… magic isn’t real, is it?” Harry asked weakly, doubting his own words.

Joker grinned widely at that and walked over to Harry’s unconscious uncle. He waved his hand over the man’s fat face a few times. Nothing happened and Joker just chuckled again, looking at Harry.

“Look at this, kiddo!” he laughed. “_Renervate_!”

He waved his hands over uncle Vernon’s face again and this time, tiny green sparks flew from his fingertips, striking the large unconscious man. Vernon bolted in a sitting position with a loud gasp, eyes wild as he took in his surroundings.

“What the- You!” he shouted as he saw Joker crouching in front of him.

“Me!” the green haired man laughed joyously.

“You-you’re one of those _freaks_ aren’t you?” Vernon growled scrambling up from the ground.

“FREAK?! Why yes, I definitely am!” Joker laughed gleefully. “But not like the ‘them’ you’re talking about. Try the opposite.”

“What the bloody hell does that mean?!” uncle Vernon hissed furiously.

Joker chuckled and turned away from the man to address the rest of them with a wide, dramatic movement of his arms.

“Has anyone here ever heard of _Lord Voldemort_!?” he asked loudly, grinning widely.

Petunia blanched and her face turned ashen as she stared at the green haired man in horror. Harry frowned confused, cocking his head to the side as he watched Joker chuckle darkly and approach his aunt and cousin.

“Are you-…” aunt Petunia stuttered terrified.

“Him? No, I’m not,” Joker spoke mock comforting before grinning madly again. “But trust me when I say that I am much, much **_worse_**.”

“Pl-please don’t hurt us!” aunt Petunia cried out fearfully. “We never wanted the boy to begin with! They-they forced us to keep him! Please, please, just take him and leave my family alone, I beg you!”

“Oh! I do LOVE begging!” Joker cackled gleefully. “But sorry, no deal. I’m not here to take revenge.”

“Then what are you doing here?” uncle Vernon growled.

Joker laughed, turning back towards the large man and shoving him towards his family.

“Story time!” the green haired stranger sang cheerfully.

With that, he skipped back over to where Harry was standing and leaned down, getting close to Harry’s face again, grinning sadistically as the boy flinched in fear.

“You know, the reason that I had to send Harley to scout this place out instead of coming here myself was because of the Blood Wards around this place – do you know what Blood Wards are, Harry?”

Harry shook his head dumbly, eyes still wide at all the revelations. The green haired man laughed loudly and high pitched again, and his relatives cringed and shivered. Joker danced away from Harry, but soon walked up closer once more, throwing an arm over the boy’s shoulder.

“You see, kid, when your mommy was killed, well, she died to protect you!” the man cackled delightedly. “She used some very ancient magic, and when she died, you became protected… as long as you stayed around people related to you and your mother of course, like these piggies!”

“So… I’m safe with them?” Harry reasoned.

It didn’t sound right to him at all. _They_ were the once that hurt him the most after all, so how could that be considered safe? Wasn’t he just in danger all the time? Because that was what pain meant. Danger.

“You are safe _with_ them, but not _from_ them,” Joker corrected. “But that’s not all! See, you are really famous out there because they say you killed a very bad person when you were a baby…”

Harry paled and took a step back, shaking his head frantically.

“I-I didn’t!” he muttered fearfully.

Killing was bad, even he knew killing was really, really bad! He never did anything like that.

“We know you didn’t,” Harley soothed.

“BUT! That brings us back to those wards, you see, I couldn’t get in because… **_ill intend_**. I know! Silly right!” the man continued, laughing.

At this point, fear had definitely returned to Harry. He wasn’t entirely sure what ‘ill intend’ exactly meant, but he was sure it meant that the other wanted to hurt him or something. He just said that those wards were supposed to protect him, and you only needed protection from people that wanted to hurt you.

“So, you must be wondering how I’m here now,” Joker chuckled, grinning wickedly at Harry. “I’ll tell you! First off, well, it has some other qualifications, otherwise this lot wouldn’t be able to come into their own home anymore after all!”

Harry’s curiosity was peaked, and he allowed the Joker to grab his shoulder and steer him towards the living room. A head motion from the green haired man had Harley jumping into action, and she pulled out a gun from her pink purse as she ushered the Dursleys to follow them.

Joker plopped down into uncle Vernon’s comfortable chair and he hoisted Harry up and onto his lap, winding his arms around the boy’s chest to keep him in place. Across from them, Harley forced the Dursleys in the large sofa and sat down on the armrest next to aunt Petunia, her gun aimed at the pale woman’s side.

“Now, Harry. One of the qualifications is that you have to be magical, like you and me. That’s why Harley had no problem getting in earlier,” Joker started.

Because he had put his chin on Harry’s shoulder, the child could feel the vibrations while he talked. He still flinched a bit at the closeness and how the strange man’s breath heated his cheek and ear.

“Another is that I have to be planning to hurt you.”

Harry almost breathed in relief at the same time as his aunt and uncle paled in fear.

“So… you aren’t going to hurt me?” he asked hopeful.

“I’m not sure yet!” Joker mused, chuckling darkly. “I’m not planning to – but that’s the fun part about this! I don’t have a plan! I just walked in and now I’m going with my gut. No plans, no intentions, **_no magical protection_**.”

Harry swallowed nervously and tried to get off the man’s lap. This only seemed to amuse Joker even more and the stranger laughed maniacally as he tightened his grip around Harry and pulled him further against his chest.

“Are you afraid Harry?” Joker asked.

Harry nodded, not seeing any reason not to. He was really scared of Joker right now.

“No need, kid. Harley told me your family calls you a freak, and freaks should stick together.”

“I think you’ve got the wrong person, mister,” Harry whispered quietly. “I-I’m nothing special. I certainly can’t be magical!”

For a moment, Joker stayed quiet, but Harry couldn’t see his face, so he wasn’t sure of that was a good thing or not. All he could see were his relatives staring with wide, terrified eyes at the strange man.

_“Are you saying I made a mistake?” _Joker growled in his ear.

Harry’s eyes widened in fear and he started trembling all over. He quickly shook his head in denial.

“N-no, sir!” he squeaked. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it!”

“Exactly! You’re a wizard, I’m a wizard. It only makes sense if I raised you, right?”

The Dursleys all nodded their heads frantically and Harry scowled a bit. He knew they didn’t like having him around, but were they really willing to just let him go with an insane stranger without a fight? Did they really hate him that much? He jumped a bit as he heard Joker laughing into his ear.

“Glad you lot understand!” he said, chuckling evilly. “Now kill ‘em Harley! We don’t need the fat sacs anymore. Or the horse faced stick.”

Harley cackled happily and cocked the gun and put it against Petunia’s head. Harry’s aunt flinched and tried to scoot away, but Harley just laughed and moved the gun with her.

“NO!” Harry yelled, wrenching himself out of Joker’s hold.

He jumped off the man’s lap and ran towards the couch, only to be grabbed from behind and lifted off the ground by two strong arms. Harry yelled furiously and struggled against Joker, who grunted as Harry kicked him against the knee and let him drop.

“Now why shouldn’t we kill them?” Joker asked annoyed. “They’ve done nothing but hurt you and treat you badly.”

“They’re my family!” Harry cried out desperately. “You can’t kill them! It’s wrong! Killing is wrong!”

Joker sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

“Out of everything the kid could have been taught…” he muttered before looking up at the other occupants in the room. “Well _someone_ is going to die here! But if you don’t want it to be them…”

Harry swallowed and backed away as a thoughtful look crossed the Joker’s white features. For several moments it was completely quiet, save for the soft sobbing coming from Dudley and Petunia’s hitched breaths. Then, suddenly, Joker’s eyes brightened and he grinned sadistically.

“I know! We’ll cast a vote!” he cheered. “All four of you have to decide on one person in your little family to die and say his – or her – name. We’ll start with the oldest, Whale?”

“The boy!” uncle Vernon said almost immediately, eyes wild as he glared at Harry.

“Which one?” Joker asked, grinning darkly and leering at Dudley.

“Harry! Kill Harry!” Petunia screamed desperately.

Dudley was nodding along quickly, eyes brimming with tears from fear as he watched Joker’s every move. Joker grinned and turned back towards Harry, but the young child barely even acknowledged him. He was staring in horror at his relatives. He couldn’t possibly understand why they would want him dead so badly. Didn’t he do all his chores? He cleaned the house at least once a week, vacuumed every day, cooked, did the dishes, tended the garden,… how could they just say he should be the one Joker killed?

“See?” Joker asked, grinning widely as Harry looked back up at him, green eyes dulled and broken. “They can’t think killing is that bad, right? Why else would they just call you out so quickly without even a little struggling?”

Harry nodded, completely numb. This wasn’t family. They never treated him like one of them. They hurt him and used him and blamed him for everything Dudley did wrong. If killing wasn’t evil, like he’d been told it was, then the Dursleys deserved to be killed in his eyes. Joker was right about that. He looked up at the green haired man with a blank expression.

“What’s your vote, kiddo?” Joker asked.

“Them.”

Joker laughed in delight and turned towards Harley.

“You heard the kid, Harl!”

“What?! But you said-“ Vernon started.

With a loud bang, the large man dropped to the ground, blood seeping from the large hole in his head and chunks of meat and bone splattered around the room. Petunia screamed, and Dudley cried as Harry just flinched and looked away in disgust and horror.

“I never said the most votes won,” Joker muttered amused before grabbing Harry by the shoulder and steering him closer to the bloodied couch and his terrified relatives. “Now, I’m going to give you a choice here, Harry. I’m going to torture them until they can’t even remember how to piss and shit right… Or! You kill them with this.”

At that, the Joker pulled another gun from his pants pocket and pressed it into Harry’s hand. It was heavy for the young child and he stared at it for a few seconds, until agonized screams registered. Looking back up, he saw the green haired lunatic held some long stick that gave electric sparks as it touched his cousin’s skin.

Before Harry knew what he was doing, he raised the gun and pointed it at the strange man hurting his cruel cousin. He ignored the small, horrified gasp from the kind blond lady still sitting next to aunt Petunia and stared instead at the disappointed look Joker send him.

“So that’s how it is,” the Joker murmured lowly.

The longer he stared at Harry, the more the small boy’s hands shook from fear and confusion. He was _five_ for Christ’s sake! How could he possibly know what he should do? He had no idea if he should fight this man or listen to him. It was all much too confusing.

“Do it!” aunt Petunia hissed hysterically. “Shoot that bastard! You wouldn’t hurt your family, would you Boy? We took care of you, raised you, fed you-”

The words made Harry see red.

“_Feed me?_” he parroted incredulously. “I haven’t eaten in two days!”

“I-I’ll cook you some nice dinner as soon as we’re-”

Harry hadn’t noticed when he had moved to aim the gun towards his aunt instead, but now he pulled the trigger. There was a loud bang, and a small flag popped out of the barrel. Both Harry and his aunt blinked at it in surprise. Harry got ready to drop the fake gun, but was stopped when a white-gloved hand grabbed his own. A moment later, the Joker had moved into position behind Harry and forced him to aim once more towards his aunt.

“There ya go, kid,” he chuckled deeply.

He pushed Harry’s finger down on the trigger and with another bang, the little flag buried itself in one of his aunt’s eyes. Blood sprayed all over Harry’s face and front, but the small boy barely even noticed at all. He was staring in shock at his aunt’s unmoving form. Quiet sobs and whimpers still came from his cousin, but a few words from the Joker had Harley shoot him in the head too.

“Let’s get out of here before the cops show up,” Joker said, gently shaking Harry out of his spiralling thoughts. “C’mon kid, time to go to your new home.”

Harry nodded his head quietly and took the offered hand. As he was led out of his aunt and uncle’s home, Harry wondered if he had made the right choice.


	3. House of Fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait everyone! I suddenly had an actual life for a bit, but I'm back where I belong now! (the trash)

The flight from London to Gotham was long and tedious. Harry, having learned the hard way to behave and be quiet, didn’t complain even a second. He was perfectly silent on the drive to the airport, didn’t ask for anything as they walked passed the shops and restaurants towards the check-in. Harley, while she had never shown any sign of it before that day, gave into her motherly side as she took it upon herself to buy the boy a large strawberry milkshake.

The small boy had lit up when she handed it to him and timidly asked if he was really allowed to drink it. Both Harley and the Joker had to tell him he could before he dared to wrap his lips around the straw. The way he hungrily sucked down the liquid, yet couldn’t take in more than a third before his small tummy started protesting broke Harley’s heart just a little bit more.

After a few hours of waiting, the trio could finally board the plane. After that, it was a boring six and a half hour long flight. Again, Harry didn’t even make a peep the whole way there, his eyes wide as he took everything in. It was his first time on a plane, and as the Joker preferred to travel in style, the three of them had the entire first class for themselves.

(Of course, he had every other person who was supposed to fly in first class with them killed before they boarded, but Harry was left unawares on this. They’d teach the boy the pleasures of murder when he was older.)

The young boy slept through most of the flight, only woken by Harley when their food arrived. Again, he only succeeded in eating a small portion, but Harley was determined to build his appetite to a healthy amount while he lived with them.

When they landed, Harry was once again woken up so they could leave. None of them had any luggage besides what they could fit in Harley’s magically expanded purse she had bought in the Blütbad wizarding shopping district before they had left to find Harry.

A bright purple limousine was waiting for the trio to get them to the new living place.

“Ready to go to your new home, sweetheart?” Harley asked the small child beside her excitedly.

Harry could do little more than stare and nod. He still couldn’t believe how just much his life had changed in just one single day.

The inside of the limo had green leather seats of fake snakeskin with zebra and leopard print cushions strewn around, both on the seats and the fluorescent orange carpet on the car floor. In addition, the car only had blacklights, lighting up great splatters all over the interior that were before invisible.

“What are those?” the small boy asked, squinting at a dripping formation on the backrest next to where he sat down.

“Ya too young ta know, sweetheart,” Harley replied with a slight giggle.

This made Harry frown a little in confusion, but he didn’t ask any further. Adults were just weird like that, he reasoned. When they didn’t know the answer themselves, grown-ups would just say that kids like him were too young to understand. It was because they were embarrassed, and Harry didn’t want to point that out to his new family. They probably wouldn’t like being put on the spot like that.

“Just get comfy, kid! The ride won’t be too long,” the Joker told Harry, leaning back in the comfy seats. “Take a nap or something. Harley will wake us up when we get there…”

With that, he turned his head to look at the woman, but scowled as she was already fast asleep and snoring slightly. Harry pursed his lips as the Joker’s eyes darkened with something a lot like what uncle Vernon looked like right before Harry would be punished for something. He was worried Ms Harley was in trouble and that the Joker would hurt her the same way uncle Vernon used to hurt Harry.

“I can wake you up if you want, mister,” the boy offered quickly, not wanting to get Ms Harley in any trouble if he could help it.

This had the green haired man look back over at him with a lazy grin, as if he had never looked at the pretty woman with such irritation and disgust, ready to hurt her. For a moment, Harry had thought he’d even seen hatred, an emotion he was very used to receiving from the Dursleys, but it just seemed so out of place aimed at such a beautiful and kind woman like Ms Harley.

“You can do whatever the hell you feel like, kid,” the Joker said with a careless shrug. “I won’t stop you.”

With that, the green haired clown lowered himself slightly in his seat and closed his eyes, seemingly falling asleep in seconds. Harry blinked in surprise. They must have been really tired if they both just knocked out like that. He hoped it wasn’t his fault.

However, Harry started feeling a little droopy-eyed himself and soon was nodding off alongside his rescuers. The limo was filled with nothing but soft snores and grunts for the rest of the drive to Gotham, until they finally parked and the driver tapped on the tinted window separating him from them to alert them they had arrived at their destination.

“Wha?” Harley grunted as she woke with a jerk, gun in hand as if ready for a fight. “We there already?”

Harry watched as the blond woman fuzzed around, gently waking the Joker, who punched her in the face as she shook his shoulder. The small boy’s eyes widened instantly, his sleepiness forgotten in his worry and horror as Ms Harley went down with a shout of pain.

“The fuck did you wake me for, Harl?!” the Joker growled as he sat up.

“We’re here, pudin’!” the woman replied, scrambling up and out of the car.

With a huff, the Joker got out after her, stretching out as he went, his joints popping at the movement.

“You coming, or do you plan on living in the car, kiddo?” he called behind him.

This shook Harry out of his stupor and he scrambled after the two adults who had so kindly taken him in. Glancing up at Harley’s face worriedly, he moved to stand by her side. Luckily, the hit from the Joker didn’t look like it was going to bruise, nor did Ms Harley look very bothered about it. Maybe it hadn’t hurt, and she had just been surprised earlier? She did look like a very though lady, after all.

“Welcome to ya new home, baby!” Harley cheered, throwing her arms wide with dramatic flair.

This made Harry look away from her and at his surroundings for the first time. His mouth dropped in shock as he saw that ‘his new home’ was nothing more than an old, abandoned building.

The Joker’s Hideout was an old toy factory, and Harry was very conflicted between being creeped out or over the moon to have so many toys around, even if most were missing parts. The second they had arrived there, Harley had hugged Harry tightly, squealing loudly that she and Joker would be the best parents ever. Harry doubted that, but Joker didn’t correct the woman and had just grinned widely at the exchange.

“Why don’t you get the kid’s room ready, Harley?” he suggested.

“Right away, puddin’!” the blond replied cheerfully before running off.

Harry looked around the place a bit, nervous to be in a different place with two people he barely even knew and who he learned were anything _but_ normal, (thank you very much). He accidentally met Joker’s eyes, shivering at the wide manic grin spread across the clown’s face. Not for the first time since the man and Harley had shown up at number 4 Privet Drive, he wondered _why_ exactly they had chosen to take him in and he scowled.

“What am I supposed to do while I’m here, sir?” he asked quietly.

“Why do you think you’re supposed to do anything, kid?”

That definitely wasn’t the answer Harry had expected and he tensed. His scowl deepened, taking a step away from Joker, only to have the strange man take two closer. The man was still grinning widely as Harry started to shiver in fear.

“Because you took me in,” the boy replied confused. “Why would you do that if you didn’t want anything back?”

Joker tapped his chin and hummed in thought before looking at Harry in mock wonder.

“I think you’re right,” he said after a short silence. “But what should I get in return though?”

Harry brightened up. That meant he could do things he knew how to! If Joker would make him choose how to repay him, he could maybe get away with doing less than the Dursleys, even though that might be ungrateful. Joker and Harley had come and saved him from them in the first place.

“I can clean!” he volunteered quickly. “And tend the garden too. I’m really good at that.”

“I don’t have a garden though,” Joker muttered thoughtfully. “And cleaning isn’t all that big on my priority list. Try again.”

Harry’s brows furrowed. Alright, this might be a bit harder than he had thought. What if he couldn’t convince Joker that he was useful? Would he kill him too, like his relatives? He winced as he was reminded of his aunt’s eye splattering as the tiny flag from the Joker’s gun impaled it and he paled. He really, really didn’t want that to happen. Ever.

“I-I can cook too, if you want,” he said a bit quieter. “I’m not that great, but I’m learning! I barely burn anything anymore!”

He rubbed his arm nervously as he remembered the times he burned his food in the past. The Dursleys had never been happy when he did and punished him accordingly. He deserved it, they would say, and he could only wonder if Joker would think the same thing.

He was shocked out of his musings when Joker grabbed his arm roughly and pulled the sleeves up. There were a few burn marks on his arms, and Harry winced. The clown-like man just chuckled and pressed his fingers in the scarred skin, making Harry whimper in discomfort.

“I guess this wasn’t what you meant?” he asked snickering.

Harry shook his head. He sighed in relief when Joker let go of him and he quickly pulled his sleeves back down.

“Let me guess… That’s the punishment for burning the food?”

“Y-yes, sir,” Harry muttered quietly.

“Nope! No! That’s not an option! I’m the Joker. Not ‘sir’,” the man scolded teasingly.

“O-ok, Mr. Joker… What am I supposed to do then?” Harry asked uncertain.

Joker stood in a mock thinking stance, rubbing his chin as he jutted out his lower lip and hummed. Harry just stood there, staring at him, wondering what the man would come up with to make him earn his keep. No one ever helped for free, and this man seemed like he would ask for something big and bad.

“I know!” Joker cheered loudly, making Harry jump in fright at the sudden exclamation. “I’ll just teach you everything I know! You’ll be my… **_protégé_**.”

Harry stared in surprise at the grinning man. He absolutely hadn’t expected that. Harry wasn’t sure what a protégé was, but if it meant that he was going to learn from Joker, it probably was some kind of student, right? And that wasn’t anything bad he thought. Actually, it was very good thing.

“You’ll… teach me things?” he asked confused. “But I thought I was going to have to work…”

“Learning _is_ working, kid!” Joker laughed. “And I’m a very strict teacher, so no slacking off.”

Harry started smiling brightly, his large green eyes sparking with adoration. It was the very first time that anyone ever even bothered teaching him. No one ever cared about Harry learning anything, even his aunt had just put him in front of the stove the first time, saying he shouldn’t burn anything and left him to it.

“Thank you Mr. Joker!” he beamed. “When are we going to start?”

“Tomorrow. I’m sure you’re tired as hell right now, kid.”

. . . . .

Harry woke up more refreshed than he ever remembered being with the Dursleys. He had a real bed here, and not just a cot in the cupboard. With warm, colourful blankets and lots of toys. Harley had spent last evening searching the place for teddy bears and other toys that were still in one piece and dumped them all in Harry’s room. They even had to break out a wall between Harry’s new room and the old storage room next to it because, as one would expect in a run-down toy factory, there had been a lot of toys in semi-good state left. There were even a few girly dolls in there now, but Harry found he didn’t mind. He never had any toys for himself before, so they just made him smile.

(He actually even found he liked dressing the dolls up in the frilly colourful dresses, which had encouraged Harley to set up the bright pink barbie castle in the far corner of his room. It was gaudy and horrible, and Harry loved it all the more for it.)

He crawled out of his bed and looked for his clothes, only to find new ones. There were dark grey jeans and a red shirt with a yellow lightning bolt on. They weren’t his size, but closer than Dudley’s old stuff. He quickly put them on and left the room, following the scent of fresh pancakes. To his surprise, he found Joker cooking them. Not sure if he was allowed to join at the table, he lingered at the doorway, looking wide eyed as Joker flipped a pancake before adding it to the large stack.

“What’re you standing around for, kid? Grab a plate!”

“May I, Mr. Joker?” Harry whispered hopeful, looking at the man with big innocent green eyes.

“I’m not making them to throw them out the window,” the man chuckled. “Well… I could do that I guess. We’ll just wait till someone passes by and throw a hot one!”

“Won’t that hurt a lot?” Harry asked curiously.

“That’s the whole point!” Joker exclaimed grinning. “Hurting other people is fun! That’s your first lesson.”

“Why would I want to hurt people?” Harry asked confused.

“Because. If you give them a chance, they’ll hurt you instead,” Joker replied shrugging. “Think of the Dursleys. They hurt you. Their friends hurt you too. If you hurt them first, they’ll be too afraid to do anything back. You just have to show them you’re more dangerous than them and no one will ever want to hurt you again.”

Harry listened intensely and nodded in understanding. It made perfect sense. He had always been too afraid of Dudley and his friends. In fact, everyone in his class was terrified of Dudley and that was because they knew the boy would hurt them if they crossed him. If Harry hurt them first, they’d be as afraid of him as he had been of Dudley.

“No one will hurt me again?” he asked, just to be sure.

“Well, me and Harl sure won’t,” Joker shrugged. “But I’m not gonna hold your hand the whole time, so you’ll have to learn to take care of yourself out there.”

“Oh. Ok,” Harry mumbled, focusing back on his pancakes.

At that moment, Harley walked into the room. She smiled brightly at seeing Harry and ruffled his hair as she sat down next to him. Her attention was quickly diverted towards Joker and her smile widened even further as she looked at the man slaving over the stove.

“This smells amazing puddin’!” she said cheerfully. “But ya know I would gladly have made breakfast instead, right?”

“Last time you did, I had three goons in the hospital with food poisoning,” Joker snorted, making Harley blush in shame.

“I can cook too!” Harry spoke up, feeling the need to at least show in some way that he could be useful to them and earn his keep.

“Once you can reach the stove properly without having to stand on your toes you can cook,” Joker replied dryly.

Now it was Harry’s turn to blush in shame. He was smaller than the other kids his age and really hated it when someone pointed it out to him. It wasn’t his fault he was so small! Dudley always said it was because he was a little freak and that Harry would never grow big like normal people, but Harry refused to believe that. His cousin often lied.

“What do ya think of ya clothes, Harry?” Harley asked smiling. “They aint ya size, but Dave’s kid was the closest we could find. He’s about your age I think… What’s his name again, puddin’?”

“Gabriel, I think,” Joker replied uninterestedly. “Personally I’m a bit insulted it’s a ‘Flash’ shirt, but at least it’s better than a ‘Batman’ one.”

Harry watched and nodded. So there was another kid around maybe? Would he want to be friends with Harry, or just ignore him like all the kids on Privet Drive did? He did loan Harry his clothes, but maybe he didn’t know yet Harry was a freak. That would make sense.

“So what’ll we be doing today, Mistah J?” Harley asked.

“We’ll get to that part later,” Joker said dismissively. “But before that, we’re eating!”

. . . . .

“Alright! Time to set the rules of the house,” Joker started after breakfast, clapping his hands together.

Harry was sitting in the couch next to Harley, who held his hands gently as they watched Joker pace around in front of them. The green haired man was grinning widely at them, making Harry swallow nervously. Vernon screaming his rules about ‘no freakishness’ before beating him and locking him up coming to the forefront of his mind.

“So, you’ll wake up every day at seven, train with Harley for an hour and we’ll all have breakfast like the happy, normal family we’re not, hehe,” Joker started. “After that, you’ll spent the day following me around until after dinner – and don’t think you’re not getting lunch or something, because you will.”

Harry blinked innocently before blushing and looking away.

“From what I’ve seen I’m not surprised I had to clarify that. Seriously, how many times did you usually eat per day?”

“Um… whenever aunt Petunia didn’t look,” Harry mumbled quietly. “They don’t like me sitting with them at the table…”

Harley growled next to him and squeezed Harry’s hand harder.

“Can you bring them back to life with your magic thingy puddin’?” she asked. “I wanna hurt them some more for hurting my new baby!”

“Necromancy doesn’t work like that,” Joker dismissed her shrugging. “I can make Inferi, but that isn’t the same… think zombie apocalypse! **_One day I will make it happen_**.”

Harry shivered in fear at the dark grin his new guardian showed and shrunk into himself a bit. Harley laughed and pulled Harry against her side in a tight, squeezing hug that made Harry wince.

“Since we all had breakfast already, you’ll tail me for now. Morning practice with Harl will start tomorrow,” Joker told Harry.

“Alright, Mr. Joker,” the little boy whispered.

“And we’ll have to do something about your attitude too,” the Clown Prince of Crime frowned. “Can’t have you be meek and shy all the time. That’ll ruin my reputation.”

. . . . .

Harry easily adapted to his new life. Every morning, he was woken up by Harley at exactly 7 AM and they went to the training room together. Their practice started out easy enough, with 45 minutes of yoga, ‘To make Harry more flexible’. After that, it was time for a quick shower and to redress. Meaning he hopped out of his sporting clothes – newly bought, or stolen. Joker and Harley had taken him out ‘shopping’ the second day, and Joker had held the cashier under gunpoint while Harley had helped Harry with fitting. It had honestly terrified the 5 year-old, but Harley had reassured him that they’d never hurt him – and into his regular clothing (also ‘purchased’ in the same store).

After breakfast that was usually brought in by one of Joker’s goons, or cooked by Joker himself, he’d follow Joker around. The man would either be playing with chemicals, making things explode, or show off little magic tricks he then proceeded to teach Harry. After two weeks, the boy could make things levitate by moving his hand and have things catch on fire by just looking at them. Joker had been very proud when he accidentally set one of the goons’ hair alight.

Then there was lunch, sandwiches usually, and Harry continued following Joker after. They went to check on Jokers gang members every other day, which was probably the least liked part of his whole routine. The men all looked super scary, with or without their face paint and clown masks, and they were often fighting each other, or practicing their aim with guns.

Joker had him stay with one of those guys once while he went out for a while, saying he should learn to shoot too. It stayed with just once though, since the men thought it was funny to scare Harry, and the boy accidentally made everything in the room float. One of the big crates bumped into his teacher, knocking him out. Once Joker was done laughing about the whole debacle, he promised not to leave Harry alone with them again until the boy was ready. At least the men had learned not to try and mess with Harry again.

The other days, Joker taught Harry how to make gas bombs and explosives. Harry really didn’t think it was a good idea for a little boy to be around dangerous things like that, but he wisely kept his mouth shut. Uncle Vernon always hit Harry when he dared to talk out of turn, and Joker didn’t look like the kind of person to like it when he talked back either.

Then, they had dinner and after, they either spent their time in front of the TV, playing silly board games, or Joker and Harley went out, doing ‘business’, and leaving Harry with a ‘babysitter’. Harry had been really worried the first time, 5 days after his arrival, scared that he’d be left with the scary gang members again, but he wasn’t. His babysitter introduced herself as Poison Ivy, and Harry immediately thought she was really pretty. She had green skin, which was a little weird, but her green eyes and bright red hair reminded him of the woman in his dreams that always sang to him and told him she loved him.

He really liked Ivy, he realized after only a few hours. She helped him set up a little garden behind the Hideout, like Harley and Joker called the factory they lived in. She was really good with plants and could just make them appear from the ground like it was nothing. Harry had smiled happily and begged her to teach him how to do that.

“It’s not something that can be taught, dear,” she told him. “You must be one with Mother Nature to make something like this happen.”

Harry had frowned a bit at that, but hadn’t insisted. He and Ivy worked in the garden for hours, and Harry had a lot of fun with it. He had missed it a bit. Gardening had always been the one chore he actually looked forward to at the Dursleys and that Joker didn’t have a garden for him to work in had upset him a little. That night, he went to bed happy, feeling better and more confident than he had in his whole life.

. . . . .

“Mornin’ baby!” Harley’s cheerful call woke Harry up.

He groaned a bit and sat up, grabbing his glasses before looking over to his bedside clock. 6.58 AM, like usual. He looked up at the chirpy blond woman and smiled brightly at her.

“Morning,” he greeted.

“Looks like ya happy today kid,” Harley noted. “Had fun with Ivy last night?”

Harry grinned and nodded his head, making Harley chuckle a bit.

“We made a garden!” Harry told her eagerly. “There are pretty flowers and vegetables too!”

“That’s nice, hun. How ‘bout ya show them to me after we’re done?” Harley suggested smiling. “We’ll stop 10 minutes early today so we have some time. Mistah J doesn’t need to know.”

Harry quickly jumped out of bed and grabbed his sport clothes while Harley left to the training room, giving the 5 year-old some privacy to get dressed. When he was done, he rushed over to where Harley was already waiting for him.

“Today, we’re doin’ something different,” she told him when Harry had arrived.

Smiling, she lead Harry towards the balance beam and helped him up.

“We’ll be improving ya balance!”

Walking on the beam wasn’t that bad. He needed Harley’s help a few times when crossing over, and the same when crossing back, but the more often he crossed, the less he lost his balance and eventually, he could walk over it without much of a problem. Harley was very excited and cheered every time Harry walked successfully, making the little boy beam with pride. He’d never had anyone being proud of him before he came here, and Joker only seemed proud whenever Harry made something accidentally happen. Harley was proud because he tried his best and did something right on purpose.

They only practiced for about half an hour before Harley called it quits and asked Harry to show her his garden. Excited to do just that, he grabbed Harley’s hand and dragged her over to the back of the factory. To their surprise, they found someone already present in the garden. Joker was lying on a garden chair, wearing some casual clothes that just looked weird in combination with his white skin and green hair, and had sunglasses on.

“Hello, kiddies,” the man greeted with a grin.

“I was wandering about this morning when I found this lovely little spot,” he told them. “I can’t believe I never realized it was here! And so neat looking too… I wonder how it got here.”

Harry blushed and looked down at his feet, shuffling around a bit nervously.

“Ivy and I made it last night, Mr. Joker,” he said quietly.

“You did?!” Joker gasped dramatically sitting up straight as he grinned at Harry. “Well then, I guess this is your responsibility from now on. You better take good care of this little slice of paradise. I’m expecting to eat a home-grown salad when it’s ready.”


	4. Different

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone wondering about the chapter titles, they're all songs in the playlist I made for this story https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRzQxPp1o5LbI73CoJl62v51lW5g3qZqc

Harry loved his little garden. It had grown out quite a bit since he started it. Harley said the plants were growing so big because of the love and care he put in every single one of the little plants. Harry just liked to think that his practice in plant magic was paying off. He wanted to show aunt Ivy he could do what she could. He was sure the plant lady would be incredibly proud of him if he succeeded.

He’d been living with Joker and Harley for over three months now and he had to admit he loved it. Harley loved him and hugged him, and Joker always knew how to cheer him up. They taught him a lot of stuff. Like Harley taught him Math and Psychology and Gymnastics. By now, Yoga was only once a week, three times a week he practiced the balance beam and the other three times a week he practiced Martial Arts. Harley had wanted to wait a few more years before starting with that last one, but Joker said you could never start young enough. At least Harley was careful.

Joker taught him Chemistry and Magic and how to work a gun. He let Harry use earmuffs for that last one, and always offered to let him practice on a life target, but Harry always said no. Learning magic was the coolest in Harry’s opinion. He learned not only to make things move with his mind, but also to brew weird potions and other stuff. That was really difficult, and Harry blew up a lot of things, but Joker always just laughed and told him that it would go better next time. He was never angry at Harry, no matter how much he messed up, and that still amazed the little boy.

The times that aunt Ivy had to watch Harry because Harley and Joker went out, she taught him how to take care of a lot of different plants. She also taught him Chemistry, but in a different way than Joker did. While Joker mostly showed him how to blow things up, aunt Ivy taught him how to make plants better and bigger. She also taught him about Biology and Genetics, but Harry had a hard time understanding any of that.

He and Ivy could sometimes spent hours, just lying in the garden and watching the grass grow. It would be incredibly boring with anyone else, but Ivy could make the grass grow faster so it was actually visible. All in all, Harry thought he had found a great family. They might be weird and a bit scary, but Harry was a freak himself, so they really were perfect for him.

Right now, Harry was watching TV while Ivy was making a little snack in the makeshift kitchen. Harley and Joker had gone out a few hours ago and wouldn’t be back before early the next morning, so Ivy would stay the night. Like usual, she would be gone by the time he woke up. Really, Harry had the idea Joker and aunt Ivy didn’t like each other at all. He’d never once seen them in the same room together.

_“Breaking news. Just five minutes ago, Batman stopped the Joker from robbing Gotham’s National Bank.”_

Harry sat up straight and stared wide eyed at the footage. Joker and Harley were in cuffs, and to Harry’s horror, he could see how Joker was bruised and bloodied as he limped towards the police van. They were led by a big man in a black and grey bat costume. He looked really scary if you asked Harry.

“Oh, no,” Ivy muttered as she walked over to watch as well.

_“The Joker and his sidekick, Harley Quinn were quickly apprehended by the Dark Knight and are now back on their way to Arkham Asylum, where they belong,” _the news reader said. _“I’m sure that with this arrest, a lot of people will be going to sleep with a lighter heart as the streets of Gotham are once again a little bit safer.”_

Harry’s lower lip quivered. They were gone? Harley and Joker were gone? What would happen to him now? Were they going to leave him? Would he end up in a normal family again and beaten and starved for being a freak? He wouldn’t let them. Harry was stronger now than before with the Dursleys. He could take care of himself and if those bad men would try put him in a normal family, he would run away.

“Looks like you’ll be staying with me for a while,” Ivy sighed, ruffling Harry’s hair.

“Really. Can I?” Harry asked hopeful, looking up at the green woman with big doe-eyes.

“Of course, honey. You can stay with me until Harley gets back.”

“Why did they take them away?” Harry asked quietly, looking at the TV, which had gone back to his cartoon, with tearful eyes.

“Batman does that,” Ivy sighed sadly. “He doesn’t like us freaks, even though he is one himself. He thinks he is better than the rest of us, so he locks us away.”

Fear gripped Harry’s chest and he looked back towards Ivy with wide eyes. There was someone out there who hated freaks like him and his new family so much he locked them up. He leapt up and hugged Ivy around her neck, hiding his face.

“He won’t take me, will he?” he whispered fearfully.

“No, sweetheart,” the green woman replied, hugging the boy back. “Me, Harley and the Joker won’t ever let them get to you, I promise.”

. . . . .

“Do you have to?” Harry whined.

He was sitting on the counter top of Ivy’s home, his sleeve pulled up above his elbow while aunt Ivy pressed a needle in his arm. The little boy whimpered and tried to jerk away, not a big fan of injections of any kind, but Ivy was strong and kept his arm in place.

“We’re on a toxic waste dump, Harry. If I don’t give you an injection, you’ll be dead in minutes,” she explained. “Don’t worry too much, alright? I gave your mother one too when she stayed a few weeks with me when she and the Joker had a fight.”

Harry tensed. His… mother. He knew that Ivy was talking about Harley, but before he’d never thought about her any other way as Harley. The really kind woman who loved him and took care of him. He smiled as he realized that was exactly what a mom did.

“Ouch!” he yelled, jerking his arm as Ivy stuck the needle in.

“Don’t whine, it’s already done,” Ivy muttered, rolling her eyes.

She stepped away and helped Harry off the counter.

“Now, off to bed with you and I’ll show you the greenhouse tomorrow, how does that sound,?”

“Ok, aunt Ivy,” Harry replied smiling.

. . . . .

The green house was beautiful. There were so many different exotic plants Harry had never seen before. Even though outside it was the middle of winter, the flowers in here were in full bloom, making the whole space colourful and sparkle with life. There were so many different smells as well, making Harry’s head spin and fill with happiness.

Ivy spent the whole first day of Harry’s stay – after his morning exercise. He didn’t want to take it easy and just did yoga for an hour after waking up – trying to teach him the name of every plant in there. It took him a few days in the end, but eventually, he knew most of them and how to take care of them properly as well. As he had hoped, Ivy was very enthusiastic when she saw Harry actually make a flower bloom by concentrating hard. Harry was really proud of his progress.

It was a good thing Ivy was really smart too, so Harry didn’t miss too much of his lessons. Only his lessons on Magic and weapon handling were now switched for Plant studies, which he really liked so he was ok with it. He still practice his magic in his own time.

Every day, Harry helped Ivy take care of her plants. It was something they both put a lot of time and effort in, and they were usually good for hours of work. Neither of them minded of course. Harry had quickly learned that Ivy thought of all the plants as her ‘babies’ and she loved them more than people, and Harry had to quietly agree with her. Plants never hurt anyone. They didn’t hate anyone for being different or a ‘freak’. They just grew and lived.

It was during such a time, when Harry was trimming a big bush that was starting to obstruct the growth of some very nice flowers, that it happened. A loud, angry hissing reached Harry’s ears suddenly. He wasn’t sure what he was hearing at all at first, and scowled as he started looking around himself for the source. His eyes widened when he saw a small green grass snake.

***Sstupid humanss, making thiss much noisse and waking me from my winter ssleep,*** the small snake hissed annoyed.

***I’m sorry. I’ll try to be more quiet from now on,*** he replied, not really thinking about how weird it was that he was talking to a snake.

The little snake reared up and flicked out her tongue towards Harry before sort of cocking her head in what Harry guessed was the snake equivalent of confusion.

***You sspeak the tongue of ssnakess, little human hatchling?*** the snake asked curiously.

Harry scowled. They weren’t talking in English? It sounded the same to him, except that he could hear a faint lisp in his own voice every time he talked to the snake, and she more hissed than talked.

***I… guess so?*** he replied uncertain.

***You sspeak, but you don’t know how?*** the snake asked surprised.

Harry huffed and glared petulantly at the snake, pushing out his lower lip in a cute little pout.

***I never met a snake before,*** he defended himself.

The snake gave an odd hiss that Harry realized in shock was her version of laughing. He smiled at that. It sounded really funny. It made him wonder if she thought he sounded funny too when he laughed.

***What’s your name?*** he asked curiously. ***My name is Harry Potter.***

***My name is Malinda, little hatchling,*** the snake replied amused.

Harry smiled brightly at her.

***It’s really nice to meet you, Malinda,*** Harry said cheerfully.** *You can go back to sleep if you want. I’ll try to be more quiet.***

***No need, Hatchling,*** Malinda replied.** *I have decided to stay with you for a while. You are interesting.***

When Ivy went to find her charge, she had the scare of a lifetime finding the 5 year-old with a snake coiled over his shoulders repotting a few Venus Flytraps.

. . . . .

Three weeks. That was how long Harry was staying with Ivy before the news of Joker and Harley’s escape from the Asylum reached them. Harry heard it on the morning news, and almost fell off the balance beam in excitement, until he heard they had escaped last night.

“I’m sure they’re first trying to find a new hideout,” Ivy soothed him.

“Why do we need a new one?” Harry asked upset. “I like the one we have. I want to go back there.”

“If they stay in the same place for too long, Batman will find out and come to your home,” Ivy explained. “They’re doing this to protect you. I promise you, Harley will never abandon you.”

Harry noticed how Ivy said just ‘Harley’ wouldn’t abandon him, but he ignored it. The Joker wouldn’t either because there was no Harley without Joker, and he had a hard time imagining a Joker without Harley too. They belonged together. His mom and her Mr. J.

After breakfast, Harry went back to the greenhouse to talk with his new friend, Malinda, and maybe try and improve his plant-magic, like he had taken to calling it. Ivy said she had to work a bit in the house and told Harry to have fun by himself.

***Hatchling ssmellss ssad,*** Malinda said as greeting as he sat down in the grass near a very beautiful cherry tree in the greenhouse.

The small snake came slithering up Harry’s leg and rested herself in his lap, curling up contently as Harry stroked her back.

***My mom and Joker escaped from the Asylum last night,*** he told her softly.

***Doess that not make you happy?*** Malinda asked confused.

***It does, but they didn’t come get me.***

***Perhapss they will come for you ssoon,*** the small snake suggested. ***If not, they are sstupid. You are a very sspecial hatchling.***

Harry smiled gratefully at the little snake. At least she liked him.

“Harry!”

Harry looked up surprised when he heard Harley’s voice call out to him. He quickly got up, Malinda hissing in annoyance as her peace was disturbed before she quickly slithered out of the way and back on the ground. At the same time, Harley appeared from behind some bushes, smiling brightly when she noticed the little boy standing there.

“Mom,” Harry whispered, feeling tears bead at the corners of his eyes.

Harley’s eyes widened and she rushed forward, enveloping the little boy in a tight hug. Harry hugged back and sobbed in relief.

“I thought you didn’t want me anymore,” the boy whimpered. “I thought you left me here because you were sick of me.”

“Oh, hun, no,” Harley said, holding Harry even tighter. “We were arrested and they locked us away, but we never forgot about ya! You’re our baby.”

Harry let go of Harley and took a step back, wiping his tears and nodding in understanding.

“Aunt Ivy says the Batman hates freaks and he tries to lock us all away,” he mumbled. “She said you’d come back for me, but then I heard you escaped and you weren’t here…”

“I wanted to come right away, baby! But Mistah J said we better get the new place ready for ya.”

“I understand,” Harry muttered.

“Good! Now, let’s go say goodbye to Ivy and we’ll go home to Mistah J, waddaya think, hun?”

Harry smiled tearfully and nodded his head in agreement before thinking of Malinda. He looked around, finding the little snake lying under the tree, watching them. He approached her quickly and held out his hand. The little green snake slithered up his arm and settled on his shoulders while Harley watched in awe at the little boy and his new, unusual friend.

***Iss that you mother, Hatchling?*** Malinda asked curiously. ***Will you be leaving with her? Can I come? I like Hatchling.***

Harry looked up at Harley with big puppy eyes that made her heart melt in an instant.

“Can Malinda come with us?” he asked hopeful.

“If you want to take her, I guess it’s ok,” Harley replied, eyeing the snake curiously.

“Yay! Thank you!” the little boy beamed happily.

. . . . .

Joker stared between the little boy and the snake on his arm in silence, trying to comprehend what was going on exactly. Bright, poisonous green eyes blinked up at him, and so did the killing curse green ones of Harry. Both boy and snake watching him innocently. However, the situation was anything but innocent. In fact, it was very, very complicated.

“You’re… a Parselmouth?” he asked slowly.

“What’s pars- part… that?” Harry asked confused.

“When… Malinda, was it?” Joker asked the snake.

The snaked nodded her head, and odd gesture for a snake.

“When Malinda talks, do you understand what she says?” Joker asked the boy.

“Yeah. But… that’s normal, right? I’m a wizard, I can do loads of things!” Harry said, grinning.

“Talking to snakes is not normal, even in the Wizarding World,” Joker told him.

Harry’s face fell immediately and he looked to his feet, scowling upset. Joker sighed and pulled the child on his lap. He didn’t usually try to comfort the boy when he was sad. That was more Harley’s forte, but Harley was out at the moment to get some stuff from the Toy Factory and bring them over to the small house they were currently staying at and was on the name of one of Joker’s goons.

***I know only one other person who can do it,*** he hissed, making Harry’s eyes widen in shock.

***You can do it too?!*** the boy exclaimed, not even realizing he wasn’t talking in English anymore.

***Two Sspeakerss? Thiss will be very interessting,*** Malinda said gleefully.

“It’s a gift only my family has, and I though me and my brother were the only ones left,” the Clown Prince of Crime explained.

“Then, how can I speak it?” Harry asked curiously.

“Well, the reason I see for it, I guess either me or my brother must have met your mother before you were born,” Joker shrugged.

“Did you? Are you my real dad?” Harry asked hopeful.

“Can’t remember. I was in England for a little while back then, but I sort of… met a lot of women…” Joker chuckled. “And my brother had a habit of… meeting a lot of women too at the time too, so both would be possible.”

“Oh.”

Joker grinned and ruffled Harry’s head before setting him back on the ground and standing up himself. Harry looked over to his mom and noticed she was scowling a little. Before he could ask her what was making her upset, the Joker spoke up again.

“Don’t worry. No matter who your real parents are, kid, me and Harl are your family.”


	5. What's My Age Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been feeling VERY motivated to write lately, so have another chapter!
> 
> Also, please read the notes at the bottom of the chapter, because I need your help with something!

Harry quickly got used to the new house – a real one this time instead of a run-down industrial building – and the Joker and Harley started making sure they wouldn’t have to leave again so soon by staying away at least for another day whenever they had gone out into town, hiding in another hideout. This had upset Harry at first, but aunt Ivy helped him with the garden whenever his mom and Mr. J were gone.

The backyard was of decent size, and Harry really enjoyed putting his time and effort in perfecting it. He practiced his plant-magic in it, and made sure it was to the liking of Malinda too, who turned out to be a terrible perfectionist.

Since her arrival, Joker decided to educate Harry in Parseltongue too. He barely spoke anything else anymore during their lessons, but he still made sure they spoke English when around Harley, who really appreciated the gesture, though why she was so grateful, Harry wasn’t sure because the one time Joker had been talking Parseltongue with Malinda while Harley had been in the room, his mom had turned bright red, so he didn’t think she hated it per se.

By now, he had been staying at the house for about 6 months, and like every morning, he woke up at 7 o’clock sharp and got dressed in his sport clothes. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he made his way over to the training room. His mom and Mr. J were out for probably the rest of the day because they had left early the other night, leaving Harry with Ivy, like usual. He did his practices dutifully, never even once having missed a day. Not even when staying at aunt Ivy’s, and then went back to his bedroom to take a shower in the adjoining bathroom.

Feeling entirely refreshed, he walked into the kitchen for breakfast. To his confusion, the lights were all out. Frowning a bit, he flicked the switch.

“SURPRISE!”

Harry jumped in fright as Joker, Harley and Ivy yelled out at him, jumping into sight all of a sudden. They were all grinning, and for a moment, Harry panicked, not understanding what was going on. He forced himself to stay stock still and not flinch when his mom rushed up to him and hugged him tightly.

“Happy birthday hun!” she exclaimed happily.

Oh… ohhh! It was his birthday today. Harry had totally forgot! No one ever bothered to celebrate it before, so that wasn’t so strange of him to forget, but now he had a loving family. Harry smiled at that and hugged Harley back.

“Thanks, mom,” he whispered.

“Six years old already,” aunt Ivy said smiling. “You’re growing like weed, Harry.”

Harry blushed at the compliment and moved from his mom to his aunt to give her a hug too. all the while, Joker was leaning against the kitchen cabinets, watching with a wide grin.

***Happy Hatching day!*** Malinda hissed cheerfully, slithering over to Harry.

The now 6 year old boy laughed joyfully and picked up the small snake allowing her to curl up around his shoulders. The adults all smiled as well, before Harley led him to the kitchen table where a large stack of freshly baked chocolate waffles were waiting for him. Harry’s mouth started to water from just the smell and he turned towards Joker with a big smile.

“Thank you for breakfast Mr. J!” he said happily.

The man laughed and joined Harry and the two women at the table, ruffling Harry’s messy black hair as he passed behind his ward’s chair.

“Anything for the birthday boy, right puddin’?” Harley said cheerfully, grinning at the Clown Prince of Crime.

“Sure, today’s the kid’s day,” Joker replied shrugging. “And after breakfast, we have a little party to go to. It’s about time we let the Criminal Underworld know there is a little Joker Junior running around!”

This filled Harry with equal measures of dread and excitement. He really wanted to get to know more people, but what if they didn’t like him?

“Who’ll come?” Harry asked. “Will they like me at all? What if they don’t?”

“They won’t dare do a thing,” Joker dismissed with a wave of his hand. “I like to think that most of them respect and fear me enough to stay out of my business.”

“Delusional and insane, great catch, Harley,” Ivy snorted as she poked the waffle on her plate with a scowl.

Harry watched her curiously. He had never seen his aunt eat anything but organic vegetables and fruits she harvested herself. He wondered if she would even eat anything else…

“-And even if they don’t, you and I are the only wizards in this city, so no worries!” Joker continued undisturbed.

“But first, you should open ya presents, hun!” Harley exclaimed happily.

Harry’s eyes widened in shock and he stared at his mom.

“I-I get presents?” he whispered disbelievingly.

Indeed he did. Harley was the most eager to give him hers, so he just allowed her to thrust the neatly packed box in his arms, still dazed they actually cared enough to give him presents. He was aware that he should have expected them to celebrate. For the past year, they’ve been nothing but caring towards him, and in his mom’s case, he even dared to say she loved him. still, old habits die hard and Harry was still subconsciously expecting the other shoe to drop.

“Open it!” his mom squealed.

Harry did as told and excitedly ripped into the present. He gasped when he saw what it was and grinned up at his mom. Harley had given him a Gameboy and some games to play with, much to the boy’s excitement. Dudley used to have one, Harry remembered, he had gotten it for his 5th birthday and broke it in a month and a half already – something Harry had been blamed for.

From aunt Ivy, he got some Cobra Lilies to plant in his garden. They were flesh eating plants, and these ones was a few sizes bigger than their sort normally was, specifically bred by Ivy herself of course. They were very beautiful in Harry’s opinion and profusely thanked his plant loving aunt for the beautiful present. Ivy smiled and ruffled Harry’s hair fondly, telling to take good care of the plants or she’d come back to take them away again. Harry promised quickly, knowing how Ivy treated people who hurt plants.

“Alright! You get two presents from me,” Joker announced.

Harry blinked in surprise and cocked his head curiously, making the Joker chuckle.

“Well, they both fit together, so you can call it one big present if you want to,” the man added with a shrug.

“What is it?” Harry asked eagerly, before realizing how rude that was and blushing a bit in embarrassment. “Uhm… I-I mean… can I please see it Mr. J?”

“Of course you can!” Joker replied, raising an amused brow at Harry. “Why would I bother getting you presents and then not give them to you? That’s just silly!”

Harry smiled again. Joker did make sense. He often did, if Harry thought about it. All the things Harry had learned before about what he should and shouldn’t do, Joker easily gave him reasons why he should ignore all that. He liked that about Joker. He understood what it was like to be hated for being different. And so did aunt Ivy.

Joker handed Harry his first present. It was a soft package, so it were most likely clothes. Harry quickly opening it before staring confused at the contents. A dark purple suit with a poison green dress-shirt and a fluorescent orange bow tie, very similar to the outfit the Joker favoured himself. He scowled and looked back up to Joker, who just grinned at him.

“Can’t have you walking in with Gotham’s biggest criminals looking like that, kid,” Joker chuckled. “You’ll need a secret identity for whenever you’re mingling with these guys. Better not have them know who you really are.”

“Oh… so who will I be?” Harry asked curiously.

“Harry Quinn, for now,” Joker replied. “When you’re old enough, you can choose your own villain name, alright?”

That instilled another few questions in him. Harry looked up from his costume to stare at Joker.

“Is Joker your villain name?” he asked curiously.

“It is. My real name’s Jack Riddle,” the man replied. “And Poison Ivy is Pamela Isley, and Harley… well, you already know her real name.”

“Dr Isley for you, Riddle,” aunt Ivy drawled annoyed, glaring at the Joker.

“-But! I haven’t used the name Riddle since leaving England, and thus, Joker has become my real name.”

“Then I want Harry Quinn to be my real name too!” Harry said smiling brightly. “I don’t want to be Harry Potter anymore. Harry Potter had the Dursleys, but I’ve got you guys…”

Harley and Ivy both cooed at Harry for that comment and the boy was quickly squeezed between two hugging women. The boy giggled as Malinda, who was still resting on his shoulders hissed annoyed and threatened to bite someone if they didn’t let her sleep. After Harry relayed the message, the two women let go again, smiling still.

“Put on your new costume and I’ll give you your second present, Harry,” Joker ordered.

Harry nodded eagerly and ran back to his room to do exactly as he had been told, too excited to wait any longer for the other present. It was only morning, but is was already the best day in Harry’s entire life.

. . . . .

Harry scowled at his mirror as he struggled with his bow tie. He’d never had such fancy clothes, so he never had needed to know how to tie one. His new dress-shirt was the first one he ever owned that actually fitted perfectly, but as he had never before had any button-ups, it looked horribly messy on him and he had yet to try on his suit jacket.

Tears of frustration started to well up in his eyes. The Joker had done such a nice thing in giving him those clothes, and Harry was already messing it up and ruining them. He’d never be trusted with nice things again. He just knew it.

“You ready yet, hun?” Harley called from outside the room.

Harry’s lower lip wobbled as he opened his mouth to answer, but the only sound he managed to make was a quiet sob. Obviously, it was loud enough for the woman on the other side to hear, as the door was opened almost immediately and Harley peeked in with a worried expression on her pretty face.

“Baby? What’s wrong?” she asked when she noticed Harry was on the verge of crying.

She hurried inside the room, and before Harry knew what was happening, he was wrapped in a warm, comforting hug by the blonde psycho.

“Oh, sweetheart, don’t be sad,” Harley whispered in his messy hair. “Do you need help?”

Harry mutely nodded into her shoulder as he clung to his new mother. Once Harley let him go again, she gave him a sweet smile and ruffled his dark, messy hair.

“Next time, just ask when you need someone to help you, alright baby?” she suggested.

“Okay,” Harry whispered.

Smiling encouragingly at him, Harley knelt before him and took his little bow tie from his limp fingers. She expertly looped the bright orange cloth around his slender neck and tied it with such an ease it made Harry blush in embarrassment for not having been able to do it himself.

“Tying it takes a lot of practice,” Harley told him soothingly as she straightened his shirt for him and rebuttoned some of the buttons. “I’ll teach you some day, alright?”

“Okay,” Harry mumbled again.

“Now, let’s go out there and show Mistah J and auntie Ivy what a handsome little man you are!” Harry told him cheerfully as she turned him back around to face the mirror and stood to retrieve his suit jacket.

Harry blinked at his reflection with wide eyes in awe. He really looked a lot like the Joker now, but much younger and with darker, messier hair. For the first time since finding out that the Joker might be his actual father, did that possibility seem real. He finally looked like he belonged.

“Just look at you! You’re like a baby Mistah J!” Harley exclaimed cheerily as she helped Harry put on the jacket. “Harry Quinn, son of the Joker and Harley Quinn!”

Harry blushed and grinned happily at Harley’s reflection. Yes. That was who he was now.

Once Harley had buttoned the jacket for Harry, the duo walked back towards the kitchen, where Ivy and the Joker were still waiting for them. At Harry’s appearance, Ivy gave a soft smile.

“Unlike the clown, you actually pull it off,” she said approvingly.

The Joker ignored the jab towards his own appearance and looked Harry over with a critical eye, making the young boy twitch nervously.

“I like it,” he said eventually, smiling genuinely at Harry.

Harry felt his face heat up at the compliments from both adults and watched quietly as the Joker stood up, holding out a small box wrapped in shiny purple wrapping paper.

“I guess it’s time for your last present, kiddo,” he said.

Harry jumped for the gift eagerly and carelessly ripped the paper off. As he opened the box, his mouth fell open in a little ‘o’ and he stared at the red tinted goggles.

“They’ve got the right prescription glasses in them, as well as an infrared and an ultraviolet setting,” Joker explained. “They can also zoom in through this here” – he pointed as two small buttons at the side – “so it can also be used as binoculars and a magnifier.”

Hearing all this, Harry stared down at the goggles in awe. With these, he’d go from being half blind to having super sight! And they looked really cool too!

“This is amazing!” Harry cried as he hugged his gift to his chest. “Thank you, dad!”

Joker tensed at that, and a moment later, so did Harry. The child’s eyes widened in horror before he looked down at the floor, tears beading at the corners of his eyes in fear.

“I-I’m sorry! I didn’t-” Harry started.

He cut himself off when he heard Joker chuckle amused and a hand came to rest on top of his head, ruffling through his hair. Harry looked back up in wonder and found Joker staring down at him with a more sincere smile on his painted lips than Harry had ever seen on the man.

“You’re welcome… son,” the Joker said.

They could hear a soft gasp and a happy squeal coming from Harley, and Harry started grinning widely. Before he really knew what he was doing, he surged forward and wrapped his arms around the waist of the Clown Prince of Crime. Again, Joker tensed for a short moment, before he hugged the little boy back.

“Look at us and our little dysfunctional family,” the green haired man laughed.

“Very dysfunctional, yes,” Ivy agreed calmly, though Harry could see she was smiling too.

. . . . .

Harry didn’t much like the party his parents had thrown for him. First off: there was only one person around his own age, and secondly: everyone looked scary.

There were several of Joker’s goons to oversee the party, and make sure that none of the guests decided to kill anyone, as Gabriel claimed. The other boy had pale brown hair and hazel eyes, like his dad, and was a bit taller than Harry. He had given Harry a few comic books and told him his dad wanted them to become friends. It was clear Gabriel wasn’t happy about that, but they had decided to at least talk a bit to make it seem to their parents that they got along.

Then, there was a man who at first glance looked pretty normal, but then he’d turned his head and Harry saw the other side of his face, which was hideously disfigured. It looked like half his face had been burned off. Then, there was the man who wore a big metal suit that sort of reminded Harry of a space suit. Even weirder was that the man was bald and blue – well, Harry guessed it wasn’t weird to be bald, but he just felt like mentioning that too. Then, there was the man wearing a hastily stitched together outfit and a burlap sack with a face on it over his head. He looked like a Scarecrow, which his dad told him was also his name. Not his real one of course, but like Joker and Poison Ivy.

The most normal looking people in the room were a man in a green suit with a big question mark on the back and a green bowler hat in his head, and a woman in a black skin-tight suit with cat ears and a whip wrapped around her hips.

There were some more people, like a man his parents introduced as Deadshot, who was wearing all black and red and wore a ski mask. Harry didn’t like how he could see absolutely nothing of the man’s face and was really happy Malinda had chosen to come along. He felt safer with his constant companion by his side.

“Happy birthday, kid,” a gruff British voice said from behind him.

Harry jumped a bit in fright and he turned around, facing a short man in a fancy black suit and two very beautiful women on his arms. The short man, still much taller than Harry of course, smirked coldly at the little boy.

“Thanks,” Harry muttered unsure. “Uhm… excuse me, but I don’t think I know your name yet. I’m Harry.”

Harry smiled shakily and held out a hand. The man looked surprised at him for a moment before he took the boy’s hand and shook it, smiling a bit more genuine now.

“British, eh? Wonder where the Joker found you,” he muttered. “The name’s Oswald Cobblepot, but most know me as Penguin.”

“Nice to meet you, sir!” the child beamed brightly. “Mom and dad found me in England – Surrey. I’m an orphan and my relatives didn’t like me much… Mr. J saved me and took me in.”

“Well, isn’t that awfully nice of him,” Penguin mumbled, before giving Harry another smile and walk away.

***He ssmellss awful,*** Malinda commented.

***You mean he’s a bad person?***

***No. I mean he ussess too much cologne.***

Harry chuckled a bit at the comment and shook his head. At least he had Malinda with him through this. She always knew how to make him smile when he was down and he really needed that right now.

“You’re standing awfully lonely to be the birthday boy,” the woman dressed like a cat commented.

Harry looked up and smiled a strained smile at the woman.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude,” he replied immediately.

Harry really, really hoped the party would be over soon so he could go back home and hide in his bed for the rest of the week. Adults were scary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New outfit for Harry's villain persona still needs to be develloped, so if any of you have an idea, please let me know! If you can make art of your idea, or just have, like pictures of outfits you think would fit, please link in the comments! That would be super awesome!


	6. We Are Young

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! It's been a while since I updated this!  
My life has been a mess! First there was a fire in my appartment while I was stuck inside, which did some serious damage to my mental health. Then, when I was getting better again, I had a biking accident, which cost me the skin on my right arm and left my thumb and wrist out of commission for a few weeks.  
And now my studies start up again! So... yeah. It's gonna be a slow time over here.  
But I managed to do another chapter, so that's good, right? Right.

All too soon, the summer was over, and it was time for Harry to start Elementary school. With that, his whole morning routine was switched up. Instead of training with his mom for an hour, he only had half an hour every morning, which would be used mainly for yoga. Then breakfast before the live-in goon of that week would drive him to Gotham Public Elementary School.

Harry was really nervous for his first day, but his parents were quick to comfort him. Joker promised he could beat up anyone who bothered him – Harry was already pretty well trained, and with some well-placed not-so-accidental accidental magic, he could achieve a lot – while Harley assured him he was a wonder of a child and a delight to be around, so he needn’t worry at all.

The car stopped right in front of the school porch, and the driver waited patiently until Harry got out. The boy smiled shakily at the unfriendly looking criminal and waved at him when he got out. The driver rolled the window down to hand Harry his lunch box with a large scowl on his face.

“Thanks, Frank,” Harry beamed.

Frank grinned at him, showing off yellowed teeth with a few missing and ruffled the child’s hair.

“See ya later, kid,” the man huffed gruffly before speeding off.

Harry scowled and ruffled through his own hair, wondering why everyone kept doing it. Not that he disliked it or anything – it felt quite good – but it just confused him that they were so casual about hugging and touching when the only touches he had ever gotten with the Dursleys were beatings.

Slowly, Harry walked over the playground of the school, watching parents of his classmates to-be hug their children and cry. Harry wasn’t jealous of them at all. His own parents had said their goodbyes to him before he stepped in the car, and his mom had even cut the tires to make him stay at home, so they had to use the reserve car.

“Hello!”

Harry turned his head to look at the blond haired girl that was smiling brightly at him. She looked to be his own age, and had a bright pink Hello Kitty schoolbag on her shoulders. Harry smiled at her.

“Hello,” he greeted shyly.

“My name is Bette. I’ll be a first year this year. You too, right? What’s your name?” the girl started off, talking really fast as her smile grew with every word.

“I’m Harry, and I’m a first year too,” Harry introduced himself, chuckling.

“Nice to meet you!” Bette beamed. “I just moved here with my mom and dad ‘cause aunt Kate lives near here.”

“I haven’t lived here long either, to be honest,” Harry told her.

“I could tell from the accent,” the girl giggled, making Harry blush at being caught out.

He liked her enthusiasm. He and Bette talked for the longest time, sitting on a bench next to the large building that was their school as they watched the other kids play. Gabriel came up to him at one point, along with two of his friends to greet Harry and welcome him to the school. The other boy was a year older than Harry, and was a second year. He made Harry promise to come to him if he ever had any trouble and left again. Eventually, the bell rang and they all went inside.

Their homeroom teacher was a very stern looking woman with brown hair tied in a high bun at the back of her head and a flower blouse and long white skirt. Harry thought about how much different she looked than his mom, who liked to wear tight fitting clothes that showed off her boobs and hips and she liked dark colors best. Harry liked his mom better. The way his teacher dressed reminded him of Petunia, and he didn’t like her.

“Alright, let’s start with all introducing ourselves,” the teacher started, smiling sweetly at them. “My name is Alice Gerald, but you can all call me Miss Alice. Now, raise your hand and say your name and something interesting about yourself.”

Bette, who sat next to Harry in the front row immediately stuck out her arm, jumping eagerly in her chair. Miss Alice smiled indulgently and nodded for the blond to talk.

“I’m Bette Kane!” the girl said enthusiastically. “I just moved here with my mom and dad.”

“Hello, Bette,” Miss Alice greeted before allowing the next to introduce himself.

“I’m Nikki McDonald,” a boy a few rows behind Harry introduced with an annoyingly high voice for a boy. “I like going skating with my big brother and sister. I’m really good at it.”

Again, the teacher greeted the boy and moved on to the next. Harry grew increasingly annoyed by the teacher’s behavior. At first sight, she seemed alright. Kind enough with her smile and soft voice, but Harry, having lived with the Dursleys, could see right through the nice person disguise. This woman acted exactly the same as his aunt Petunia used to when they had visitors. Very nice and kind and helpful, but once the doors closed behind the guests, she was all sneers and disgust and terrible gossip. He doubted miss Alice would be any different.

“Looks like you’re the last one!” Miss Alice said to Harry.

Harry looked up at the teacher with a blank expression. Her smile was too fake for his liking. At least his mom and dad meant it when they smiled. He could already see Miss Alice judging him and he didn’t like it at all. Plastering an equally bright and fake smile on his face, Harry sat up straight and introduced himself.

“I’m Harrison Riddle, but everyone calls me Harry,” he said, using the name his dad had told him to use. “I’m an orphan, and I used to live with my aunt and uncle until they got killed… shot in the head by a criminal right in front of my eyes. I live here now for almost a year with my adoptive family.”

The whole class was silent, the teacher staring in shock at Harry while Bette seemed absolutely horrified. Harry ignored them all and just opened his textbook to browse through it while Miss Alice tried to get the class back in track by stammering the first order of business.

. . . . .

Harry was really happy with the result of his first school day. He’d showed his classmates he wasn’t to be hurt, just like his dad hat taught him to, by coming across as confident and strong. The other boys all towered over him easily, but thanks to his training with both his parents, Harry knew he could take them on if he had to, so he wasn’t scared like he used to be of Dudley. He only hoped it would work, because now it seemed that Bette was scared of him too, since she hadn’t tried to talk to him again since lunch break, where Harry had gotten into a little fight with a boy three years their senior and won. Miss Alice had gotten really angry and threatened with detention, but in the end she’d let Harry off with a warning.

By the time Frank came to pick him up, Harry was already sitting on the curb next to the school porch along with Gabriel, who would be going with them as his dad was on a job and his mom was apparently dead. The little boy smiled brightly at his chauffeur/bodyguard and grabbed his bag, rushing up to the sleek car to sit in the back with Gabriel. He greeted the man cheerfully, making the criminal chuckle fondly and turn in his seat to ruffle Harry’s hair. Harry smiled even wider, strangely enough having missed the feeling of someone’s hand on his head.

“I take it school went well?” he asked amused.

“I didn’t make any friends, but I did what dad told me,” Harry replied grinning. “Asse- assa-ass… my autotonity… uhm…”

“Assert your authority,” Frank chuckled. “Good boy. I’m sure the boss and miss Harley will be proud when they get back.”

“Get back?” Harry asked confused. “Where did they go this time?”

“Apparently, Batman got a whiff of our location, so they went into hiding.”

“We’ll go to them now, though, right?” Harry asked hopeful.

“I’m afraid not,” Frank replied, looking at Harry apologetically. “Joker was really clear that you shouldn’t get involved just yet.”

“Is my dad with them?” Gabriel asked curiously.

“Not sure. Either he’s with them or he’s picking up a new shipment of guns at the bay,” Frank replied.

Harry scowled confused and looked out the window, watching the houses and buildings move past as they sped through the city towards the rougher sides of Gotham. They weren’t on their way to aunt Ivy’s either, since she was stuck in Arkham for the moment, so Harry had honestly no idea where they would be going now.

“Where’re we going?” Gabriel asked curiously.

“The Joker made an arrangement with the Riddler, that Harry here could always stay with him if he needed to,” Frank told them, grinning at Harry through the mirror. “Apparently you made quite the impression on him and he wants to teach you his own tricks of the trade.”

“Like mom and dad and aunt Ivy?” Harry asked.

“Exactly like them,” Frank chuckled. “We’re here by the way.”

Frank parked the car in front of an old apartment building. Harry scowled a bit, wondering if the normal looking home could be the hideout of someone like the Riddler. Not that Harry had talked a lot with the man or anything. They’d only met once, at Harry’s birthday, and the Riddler had spent most of his time with telling Harry all kinds of riddles, most of which he hadn’t been able to answer.

Harry and Gabriel followed Frank into the building and up three flights of stairs before they reached a door. It looked exactly the same as all the other doors in the building, only green. Harry wondered if that was the Riddler’s favorite color. It was his favorite at least.

“I heard the Riddler is a weird one,” Gabriel whispered to him. “Not like Joker weird, but he’s really reclusive and talks in riddles all the time.”

The two boys waited patiently as his bodyguard knocked on the door three times. He could hear shuffling inside, but no one opened the door.

“What walks on four legs in morning, on two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?” a muffled voice came from inside.

Harry frowned in thought. Were there really animals who changed how many legs they had depending on the time?

“A human,” Frank answered calmly. “Let us inside, Nigma.”

Harry’s eyebrows rose past his hairline in confusion and he turned towards Frank, just as the door clicked open. Next to him, Gabriel was scowling in confusion as well.

“How can a human change their legs?” the somewhat bigger boy asked.

“The big guy can come in,” Riddler, wearing a green bathrobe and some shorts spoke dryly. “The kids can stay out here until they get it.”

. . . . .

“Do you have homework?” Frank asked when they finished dinner.

Harry looked at his bodyguard and nodded quietly.

“Only math and I did most when I waited for you to pick me up,” he replied. “It’s a lot easier than what mom teaches me, so it’s no problem.”

“Good, ‘cause it aint my strong suit anyway,” Frank muttered. “Though I’m pretty sure I can help with elementary school level math.”

“Lucky. I have to do English and math! They’re difficult…” Gabe grouched.

Harry laughed and pulled out his worksheet. There were only ten math problems on it and he already finished six of them. They weren’t too hard. He had to think on them of course, but he barely ever needed to use his fingers to count and of that he was really proud. It only took him about five minutes to finish the last four questions and he handed the sheet over to Frank to check them.

“No mistakes at all,” the man said, grinning. “Good job there, Harry. Your parents will be proud.”

Harry glowed with pride at the compliment and he sat up straighter. The Riddler, who walked back into the room at that moment, looked over Frank’s shoulder and nodded satisfied. Gabe frowned a bit and looked down on his own sheet. He had to do twenty math questions and then he had to start on his English still.

“Now that you’re done with that, let’s move on to what the Joker asked me to teach you,” he said to Harry. “For the time being, we’ll just focus on expanding your logic skills and you English vocabulary, so we’ll have your little friend here join for now.”

Gabe seemed suddenly a lot happier, but Harry wasn’t sure he could follow yet. He blinked. Vocabulary was a big word… as was expanding.

“So… what are you gonna teach us?” he asked confused.

The Riddler sighed in aggravation and looked down as Frank chuckled amused.

“I have a feeling I’ll have my work cut out for me,” the Riddler muttered to himself.

Harry scowled at that, but didn’t say a thing. He was really smart! His mom always said so, and so did aunt Ivy and even his dad told him he was a fast learner. He crossed his arms and glared at the Riddler. He’d show them just how smart he was. He’d show him and Riddler would be really surprised!


	7. The Good Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM STILL ALIVE!!!!
> 
> Boy, writersblock sure is something, huh? But I managed to struggle through it to bring you THIS!... super short chapter...

Harry grinned proudly at the shooting targets before turning his head towards his dad and his regular shooting instructor. A large, bulky man going with the name Don, though his dad had a habit of calling him Donny or Donald Duck. Once, he even called the man Purple, which had seemed to confuse Don, but had made Harry giggle hysterically. It was even more funny because Don looked like he could snap Joker like a twig, but acted nervous and overly respectful around his boss.

“Bull’s eye all five times,” Don said impressed. “I really never seen a 6 year old handle a Glock this well in my life. Hell! You’re the first six year old I’ve _ever_ seen using a gun at all.”

“Not me,” Joker piped up, shrugging with a big grin on his face. “There was this one kid. His dad pissed me off bad, so I gave the kid the choice. Kill daddy or I killed mommy _and _daddy. He was five.”

“So was I when you had me kill my aunt Petunia,” Harry pointed out, before giving the Joker a curious look. “What did he do?”

“Shot his daddy of course.”

“I’d have shot you,” Harry mused. “I almost did until Tuny opened her mouth.”

Joker threw his head back and laughed loudly before ginning at Harry.

“And that’s why I adopted you, kiddo,” he said. “You’ve got _potential_. A lot of it. That and your mother would have killed me if I left you somewhere.”

Harry smiled widely at his father. He knew his dad loved him, even though the man never said it. Harry could see it in the small things he did for Harry, like the way he always smiled fondly, and how he ruffled through Harry’s hair. The proud glint in his eyes whenever Harry did a spell right, or made a proper bomb or came up with a great idea to terrorize Gotham. Joker would have gotten rid of him ages ago if he didn’t love Harry. The boy got even more leeway than Harley and that really meant something.

“Well, kiddo. Your mom and I are gonna be leaving in a couple of hours, so Ivy will be here soon,” Joker said.

Harry pouted at him.

“But… can’t I come? It’s my plan you’re using!”

“Sorry, kiddo. You’re still too young,” Joker replied, shrugging helplessly.

“That’s not fair!” Harry cried out frustrated. “And I know how to fight and shoot a gun and I have a costume ready and everything!”

The Joker sighed in annoyance, before his eyes lit up with sudden excitement.

“How about, if you’re good today, I’ll let you spend a day shadowing the twins soon,” the Clown suggested with a devious grin.

Harry’s eyes widened. The Valeska twins were Joker’s generals, only just below Harley in the pecking order of the gang. According Don and a few others, the two were rivals to each other in a vicious bid to become Joker’s Heir.

Harry had at first worried that they would see him as competition as well, but they were nice enough. Jerome loved roping Harry into his schemes of pranking anyone who had the misfortune of catching the unstable redhead’s attention. He’d been the first to start calling Harry ‘Little Prince’ and many of the others had quickly followed his lead.

Jeremiah on the other hand was far more quiet and reserved. He mostly kept away from Harry, calling him childish and messy, but the boy didn’t mind. He _was_ a child after all. He still admired Jeremiah’s work ethic and intelligence. He was a true genius, where his brother was a chaotic mastermind.

“You mean it?” Harry asked hopeful.

“Have I ever lied to ya, kid?” Joker replied, before holding up a hand to keep Harry from replying that yes, on multiple occasions, actually. “Never mind. I mean it this time. They’ll teach you the ins and outs of our work here and before you know it, you’ll be able to join me and your mother on the field.”

Harry gave a loud cheer and jumped into his dad’s arms to give him squeezing hug. Best dad ever!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jerome and Jeremiah Valeska are from the TV series Gotham. I never watched it, but these two characters absolutely fascinated me ever since I heard about them. They'll be minor characters, and the only thing from that series to appear in this story.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Possible Harry Quinn](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27571366) by [Nix_Maritimus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nix_Maritimus/pseuds/Nix_Maritimus)


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